Bruce Springsteen continues to bounce between shows on his eight-date Canadian tour and other engagements in the New York-New Jersey area.
Monday was no exception as he did his annual performance at the Stand Up For Heroes benefit, which raises money for wounded veterans and their families through The Bob Woodruff Foundation.
Held at David Geffen Hall in New York, he did his usual acoustic set, which for this year was “The Power of Prayer,” “Land of Home and Dreams,” “Dancing In the Dark, and “Long Walk Home." And, seeing as how the event is part of the New York Comedy Festival, he also cracked a few jokes, which were as follows:
- "A guy and his girl go to see the doctor. Doctor says, ‘Congratulations, she’s pregnant.’ The guy gets the doctor alone and goes, ‘Doc, that’s impossible. I’m religious about practicing safe sex. I always use protection. I never had a rip or a tear.’ The doctor goes, ‘Son, let me tell you a story. There’s a hunter. He carries a gun every time he goes hunting. One day, he wakes up and decides to carry his umbrella instead of his gun. On that particular day, a lion leaps out from a bush and stands right in front of him. By instinct, he raises the umbrella. ‘Bam!’ The lion falls over dead. The guy says, ‘Doc, that’s impossible. Some other guy must have shot it.'”
- “A wife wants to do this really nice thing for her husband on his birthday, so she takes him to the strip club. They go to the front door, and the doorman says, ‘Hey Dave, how are you doing?’ The wife goes, ‘Honey, how does he know your name?’ ‘Oh, he’s in my bowling league. I play with him every Tuesday.’ They go into the club, sit down, the waitress comes up, plops a Budweiser right in front of him, and goes, ‘Would you like the usual, Dave?’ Wife goes, ‘Honey, how does that woman know what you drink and your name?’ ‘Oh, she’s in the Ladies Auxiliary Blowing League. We have lanes next to each other.’ Finally, the strippers come out. One of them sits on the table and goes, ‘Dave, do you want your table dance?’ That’s it. The wife has had enough. She’s outside. She’s in a taxi. Dave is running his ass off after her. He gets in the taxi. She’s giving him everything in the book. She is holding nothing back. The taxi driver turns around and goes, ‘Dave, that’s some bitch you picked up tonight.'”
- "A bakery burns down. The business is toast.”
- “Guy goes into the library. He says to the librarian, ‘Where do you keep books on paranoia?’ She goes, ‘Shh. They’re behind you.'”
Monday night's event raised $29 million, including a $25-million gift from Craig’s List Founder Craig Newmark.